The BSA Adventures
by TheNumber1AssholegerFan
Summary: The great adventures of the Assholegers
1. Episode 1

It was a typical day at the Assholeger Base. Wat was angrily ranting about Evangelion to S.A.M.U.E.L., the Assholeger Base's control A.I. Flutter was watching Monster Musume on a TV screen in The Ocean, the Base's luxury pool, which Flutter lived in because she's a fish or some gay shit. Mrmeatman was making videos for his alter ego, video game dunkey. Rikafag was fapping to the prequels. Toolman was watching The Santa Clause. GuitarSkater was locked up in the dungeon. Kenny and Naddy were dead. GawsHawg was in Wat's closet, where he stayed despite being kicked out. And Retro was giving a blowjob to some random alien futa he picked up on Jupiter.

All of a sudden, the alarm went off.

"Um, I'm detecting some strange activity in Purple's sex dungeon. You must sortie immediately!" S.A.M.U.E.L. said over the intercom.

Retro took his mouth off the dick. "yeah, we all know what he does down there Sam. Now fuck off, I'm busy."

"No, Red, it's not him. I'm detecting some sort of tear. Likely a crossing between dimensions."

Retro sighed. "Well baby looks like I gotta take care of this. I'll be back." Retro winked and then wrapped her arm around her partner and kissed her. With her other hand, Retro unexpectedly grabbed the futa's dick, causing her to cum. Retro looked down. "Oh. Oops, heh heh."

Retro walkied into the control room where Wat was already sitting.

"Oh, hey," said Wat. "The Fag's here." Wat glanced at Retro. "God dammit Retro put on some fucking pants." Retro was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and panties. "And what the fuck is on your leg?"

Retro reached down and wiped a glob of cum off her leg. "Oh," she said. She stuck her fingers in her mouth. "mmmmmmmmm" she made a face of ecstasy.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, you fag?" asked Wat. "You're getting turned on by writing this aren't you.

"Maybe," replied Retro.

Flutter walked in, already in Ranger form, as she could not walk on land otherwise.

"Why the fuck is the fishfucker here?" said Wat.

"So we can have a hot threesome, obviously" Retro muttered under her breath.

"Shouldn't you be meeting us down there through you aqueducts that run throughout the base?" said Wat.

"I don't have aqueducts to the sex dungeon dumbass," said Flutter.

"So is anyone else actually comi-" As Retro spoke, mrmeatman walked through the door.

"Hi guys, I'm WattheWut"

"Oh, OK" said Retro. "Well since everyone who actually shows up is here, let's go."

The Assholegers loaded into the rickity old elevator. Unlike the newer elevators found throughout the base, this elevator had not been replaced since the mysterious billionaire Mr. Asshole had built the base in 1912. You see, unlike the other elevators which went all over the base, this elevator led solely to the dungeon, part of which had been repurposed by Mr. Cynical as a sex dungeon. As the elevator decended, in creaked and swayed in a way that made it seem as if it were about to fall. When it reached the bottom, the Assholegers stepped out. To the left was a door to the the sex dungeon and to the right were the prison cells.

"Hey fag" screamed Wat. "Traps are GAY."

"No they aren't," said GuitarSkater. "Also did you know that Getter Robe is a rip off of Gurren Lagann and that Gunbuster is shit?"

Retro pulled out a revolver.

 _BLAM!_

"OW! Holy shit! My arm! What was that for."

"Shut up before I really kill you," said Retro.

"heh heh heh, look at this kid getting all mad at him," said a Mumkey fan in the adjacent cell.

"yeah, heh heh heh," said another.

 _BLAM!  
BLAM!_

Two bullets pierced through the Mumkey fans' skulls, killing them instantly.

Inside of the sex dungeon, there were types of contraptions and "toys" (if you could even call them that). It looked more like a Medieval torture chamber than anything.

"So, what are we looking for?" said Retro, completely oblivious to her surroundings.

"Oh I don't know," said Wat. "Maybe it's that GIANT FUCKING PURPLE SWIRLY THING over there."

"Oh hey, I didn't see that."

"You're fucking stupid"

"Oh wow," said mrmeatman, approaching the gate. "You know this is a nice looking purple swirly thing I bet it would look nice on my wAAAALLL!"

Suddenly a hand reached out and grabbed mrmeatman's face, rapidly pulling him into the gate.

"MRMEATMAN!" cried Retro.

"Shit," said Flutter.

A body emerged from the gate. "Well well, if it isn't the Assholgers." The dark red skinned girl was wearing nothing but a black bra and panties to cover her large breasts and ass. From her head protruded yellow horns and from her fingers sharp claws. Her eyes were yellow and had slitted pupils like those of a cat, and her human legs connected into much more beast like paws where her feet should have been.

"Who the hell are you?" said Wat. "Did the PCP send you? Are you one of the Digi Bros?"

"Of course not. I have been sent by the Devil herself to take your souls! Now prepare yourselves! Your end is here!"

"LIKE HELL I'LL LET YOU TAKE MY SOUL!" screamed Retro. "HENSHIN!" Retro pulled the Red Assgem out of her pocket, which was attached to a ring and slammed it into the Henshin Device on her right arm. Yet instead of causing the ring to disappear and melding to the shape of the indent on the bracelet-like Henshin Device, the gem did nothing.

"Eeeeeeh?! HENSHIN! HENSHIN!" Retro repetitively slammed the gem into the device.

"HENSHIIIIIIIIN!" Retro slammed the gem into the bracelet with all her strength. Upon hitting the bracelet, the gem shattered and fell to the ground.

Retro, Wat, and Flutter all stared in shock.

"NANI?!" cried Retro. "H-h-how could this happen? They were supposed to be indestructible." Retro stared at a piece of the gem she had picked up on the verge of tears. "Wait." Retro brought the piece closer to her face and licked it. "Oh I see, this isn't the Red Assgem, this is a Sour Cherry Ring Pop." Wat and Flutter both face palmed at Retro.

"Would you all SHUT UP!" screamed the Succubus. From her body emitted a purple aura that spread it self around the Assholegers.

"I.. can't... move" said Flutter.

The succubus moved the Assholers through the air, finally setting them on three adjacent wooden boards that stood them up vertically and locked them with chains.

"Now then, let's get to the soul stealing."

The succubus approached Wat. She laughed in a seductive manner. She leaned in and kissed Wat. Wat began to cry.

"You bastard, I won't let you fuck me. I am a pure school idol" said Wat.

"Oh ho, we'll see about that." The succubus pulled down her panties to reveal her vagina. "Hm, this won't do." She brought her hand down and emitted a purple aura. as she moved her hand away, a large penis appeared in it's place. "Mmmmm, that's better." The succubus shoved her large dick into Wat's tight pussy.

"Ooooh," Wat cried out in pain and her eyes bulged as the dick was inserted.

"Oh, yes" said the succubus. She thrusted again. "MMmmmm, oh yes, yes"

Wat continued to moan as the large dick destroyed her pussy.

"No please stop. Y-y-you're gonna make me cum."

"Yes let's cum together!"

"What? No! If you cum inside me, I-I'll get pregnant."

"I think you'll have bigger problems than that when we cum." said the succubus. She continued to thrust. "YES!"

"NOOOOO!" cried Wat. "Ahhhhh!"

Wat and the succubus both came together. As the orgasm subsided, Wat's life slowly disappeared from his eyes.

"Ha ha ha! Your soul is mine."

"NO!" cried Flutter.

"Haha, looks like your next Retro" said the succubus.

"Well as much as I love dick, I'm gonna have to pass on that, IT'S TIME TO END YOU."

"Oh? And how are you gonna do that all chained up like that?"

 _cue epic music_

"RAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Retro screamed while struggling to break free. Suddenly the chains shattered to pieces, freeing her.

"WHAT?!" screamed the succubus. "IMPOSSIBLE."

"DIIIIEEEEEEE!" Retro slammed her fist into her face. "SUPER MOON PUNCH OR SOMETHING!" The succubus flew across the room, slamming into the wall and creating an indent. She fell to the floor dead, and as she died, the portal closed.

"Now then." Retro walked up to her body and pulled out a knife. Cutting the succubus' balls open, a ghostly apparatus emerged and flew into Wat's body.

"Holy shit, what the fuck happened." said Wat.

"You got raped by a succubus who stole your soul and stored it in her balls." said Flutter.

"Ewwwwww. What kind of gay shit is this?"

"Hey Retro come over and unlock us," said Flutter.

"Hmmm, I don't know, maybe you should do me some, uh, _favors_ before I do."

"Retro god dammit I'll fucking drown you."

"fine fine."

 _ **The day is saved thanks to the Assholegers, but what of mrmeatman? Where has he gone? Do the others even remember he exists? Will they help him? And will Naddy and Kenny EVER show up? Find out next time, in Episode 2 - "mrmeatman in Hell".**_


	2. Episode 2

After the incredibly homoerotic day the BSA had to face, the entire BSA crew just had to re-evaluate their lives, especially WattheWut who had to take some amnesiacs in order to not kill himself. Then in order for everyone to keep quiet about it, Flutterbutter also made sure to give everyone else Amnestics so they won't bring it up. After literally stapling Retro's assgem to her hand so SHE DOES NOT FUCKING MISTAKEN IT FOR A RING POP! Flutter Rodriguez Butter was just sitting in her room playing the console release of Civilization, because she is a degenerate who plays stupefied console releases of exclusively PC games mostly because her PC is filled with hentai viruses. until the AI S.A.M.U.E.L was speaking to her vial the speaker.

"Good day, Madam FlutterButter" Samuel drummed

"Como Estas" Flutter replayed in her limited knowledge of Spanish.

"Ahh. I see you have been practicing your Spanish. Regardless, I need you to check on Mr Meatman's domain. He has not seem to be there."

"So. you want me, the only BSA member who can't walk on land and is constantly constrained by my giant tits, to physically walk over there and talk to him, who's room is on the other side."

"Ah. I apologize. I forgot you are technically...adhem...'disabled'. But regardless, your wheelchair is able to do it. I only asked you because everyone else is still suffering from the administered amne-"

Flutter grumbles "alright alright. I'll go to it"

Flutter gets on her wheelchair. She rolls to Meatman's dorm, knocking on his door and screaming "Mr meaty, are you doing the beatys!" after 1 whole minute of autism, Flutter just rams her wheelchair at the door, knocking it down. After inside, she found meatman missing. The slamming alerted the other members to appear in the dorm.

WatTheWut came in "hi I'm...uhm... I forgot" as he says with amnestic in the blood.

"your WatTheWut, honey" Flutter caringly said.

"Honey!?" Wat blurted, "the fuck you are calling me honey"

Flutter wanted to tell him of their meme marriage, but he decided not to, since it was useless to get through his amnestic.

S.A.M.U.E.L turned on the speakers. "I see my suspicion is confirmed: Meatman is gone. I think it would be wise to evaluate the situation."

Retro spoke up, even with all the alien cum in her mouth, "Well, there is two chances why meatman is gone. Either he had gone into an autistic fit and ran off or B, he was taken."

Flutter then began to think then remembered what exactly happened. she remembered that Meatman was taken into hell, but since she administered everyone amnesics, no one could remind her retarded ass. But she didn't want everyone to know she drugs everyone on a daily basis, so she had to create an act. Flutter was looking around the room. "there wasn't any resistance, like everything is strangely as chaotic as you would expect Meatman's room. Meaning he either summoned it or…..wait a second."

Flutter summoned an unholy book, the Negronomicon, also known as the bootleg Necronomicon. She flips through pages made of the skin of the sinners. She stops and points to the corner of the room. "ahha! Of course! It is a common demon portal. "

Wat, although still under the influence of the amnesiac, was able to figure out the situation and add to flutter's observation. "Alright, great. You found something we can't even see and SAY we do believe you, what makes you so sure, faggot."

"Shut your cum infested whore mouth for a sec" blurted flutter in her sexual frustration. "A common demon portal is a small portal that can be made effortlessly that can transport one greater demon like a succubus or multiple minor demons. And it can be re-powered easily. "

Mr. Cynical ponders on it. "So that means we can turn it back on and find our missing member?"

"yes….well…YALL can't turn it on easily. Only demons or elder kin can turn it on. So, unless you are cousins with Cthulhu or son of Satan, you would need minor sacrifice to open it.

"Sacrifice!" blurted everyone.

"MINOR sacrifice" corrected flutter. "Like a cow, a chicken, great wealth, or even a dead body."

"OH WAIT!" retro blurted out. "I got this!" Retro run off as flutter, who is horridly thinking of what retro will pull out, waits. After roughly 15 minutes of waiting. Retro returns with a dead body, specifically that of the mumkey fan she shot out of nowhere.

"Might I add", Flutter said "I totally found it unnecessary to shoot the dude. I know they are prisoner but I need help in Morrowind and he knows how to play the-"  
"Oh wait how did i remember about the dead body in the deungeon?" asked Retro. "HAHAHA I HAVE NO IDEA BUT WE SHOULD GET TO THE SACRIFICE HAHA" Flutter grabs the dead body and holds the body given by retro. She holds up the dead body, as the others are semi eager to see a demon sacrifice first hand. Flutter then threw the body at the corner while yelling "I CURSE THIS BODY" and the dead body formed to be a portal. Everyone stares at flutter in confusion.

Flutter remarks "Do you guys actually think there is more to that? Demons are not as fancy as you think. Chants and incantations are an Elder kin thing, not a demon thing". No one questions, mosly cuz they don't care. All they need is 4 people to start a podcast and since Retro, flutter, and wat are the only 3 competent people outside meatman, they basically need to get meatman.

On arrival to the portal, that closed behind them, they are in a giant dark room that contains large pipes along the top of the room. It was silent, too silent. Many of the attending members, which contained flutter, Wat, Retro, and Mr Cynical for some strange reason, all decided to remain silent in case there was a predatory animal around them. strangely, they got a message from Naddy saying he was going to join in a bit, but he never came with.

The members eventually came through a crevice with a light through it. Going through it showed an even larger room with a bathroom light flooring, bright lights, and strange white substance puddles on the floor. Retro bowed down and sipped the substance and confirmed it was cum. After several minutes of walking and looking, the members confirmed they are in a gigantic bathroom.

"So why the fuck is Meatman is in a fucking bathroom!" Screamed Wat.

"We are basically ants here. Or even smaller ants! "said Retro as she keeps eating the cum.

Mr. Cynical speaks with whimsy. "we are currently in the realm of insignificance. Imagine the beings unaware of our presence and we bask in their shadows!"

"which reminds me" stated flutter, "what creature uses this bathroom?"

"we can assume it isn't very nice" retro added

"NO SHIT! Maybe it will give us some high-quality memes about being big!" blurted wat.

Flutter thinks to herself: "at least he didn't forget his horrible sarcasm"

They walk a bit more and found a giant creator next to the smaller room, which was narrowed down to be the sink of the bathroom. Pipes and drainage mechanisms are in the center of the pipes.

"What is supposed to be there?" wat asked.

"well", replied flutter. "I think the toilet should be here?"

Then the members had heard the door open to the giant room. All of the members instinctively hide behind some toilet paper role on the ground. They wait until the see a large, hairy being sitting on a floating toilet fly across the place. The being is a large, fat, and hairy being with a large black, scraggly beard, teeth protruding out of his mouth with no organization with them. Breath so dirty it is visible and holding a cup that appears to be wine with small, female children in it and adults, most of them dead, tied to the cup. The being also seems to have giant round classes. As he floats, the white substance spurts out from the crouch of the body as he sips the wine.

Flutter skims through the page and eventually finds the being in her book. "ah ha! I knew it. We are in the bathroom of the Sin Consul of Sloth and Lust! Digibelphor! But on the mortal plain, he is known as…"

"…Digibrony…." Wat's memory came back to her in full throttle. In which the truth had cause retro to vomit in realization.

Flutter reviews the cup to a tea, then she blurts out. "THERE'S MEATMAN!" she ten points to the cup, in which meatman is tied to the cup, appearing to be the only alive one there. Even screaming and cursing at digibelphor.

"Hey excuse me sir". Explained Meatman. "it would be a shame if I posted your address to the portal of this realm and shit. You know?" this only angered the demon, in which he leans to the meaty man.

"YOU DARE INSULT ME! YOU TINY, PUNY, MUNKEY WORSHIPPING HERETIC! YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE SMALL TO ME, YOU ARE WITHOUT ANY NEED TO THREATEN ME! SPEAK TO ME AGAIN AND I WILL DECONSTRUCT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!"

On saying that, the word "deconstruct" echoes within WatTheWut's mind. In which the amnestic drug had worn off and he barges towards the demon consul.

"Wat!" explained flutter "the fuck you are doing?!"

Wat turns to flutter and smiles. "no worries honey, I've got this."

Flutter smiles back, letting wat do his thing. Wat approaches the demon, and using his assgem, he turns into the Blue ranger. He uses his super ranger powers to amplify his voice. "HI IM WATTHEWUT!"

The demon notices but actively ignores him. In which wat further uses his ranger powers to clone himself 1000 fold and repeats "HI IM WATTHEWUT!" the sounds eventually test the consul's patience. "AAAAHHH I REMEMBER YOU! THE INSIGNIFICANT BEING WHO HAS BOTHERS ME SINCE DAY ONE!" growled digibelphor. "I WAS HOPING YOUR MORTAL BODY WILL HAVE YOU DEAD FOR ME. BUT NOW IT SEEMS I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO END IT MYSELF!"

Digibelphor summoned his great banhammer, in which he used it to smash the wat clones. But Wat keeps cloning himself, and his clones clone themselves. While digibelphor is distracted, meatman is watching the show. Until flutter comes crawling up the cup. "oh, hay it is flutter butter."

"sup meatman. Now I got to get these chains off you."

"I've tried. But these chains are too big"

"oh and BTW meatman, how the fuck for you get here?"

"Okay so! that weird lady wanted to rape me, but it turns out that she is actually one of Digi's s. So she decided to give me Digibro as part of her patron."

"Sad. Hold up. Close your eyes"

"oh okay."

Meatman closes his eyes, in which flutter opens her mouth as it slowly forms into the mouth of an angler fish. Her entire face eventually turns into a sea monstrosity as she gnaws on the chain. Wat was starting to get tired of cloning herself, but she continued to persist due to her hatred for a single word. Eventually Flutter freed meatman and started running for the exit. "WE GOT TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" screamed flutter carrying meatman as they ride on the wheelchair. All the members, hoped on the crowded wheelchair. Wat, exhausted, hoped on to Flutter's lap. She turns on the Boosto maximundo setting on the wheelchair and eventually flew through the entire place until they reached the destroyed portal.

Flutter stumbles and worriedly speaks "uhm…. I forgot the thing is destroyed after use." Digibelphor opens the sink door. "THERE YOU ARE! TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM ME!" Flutter instinctively got out her phone and started googling on sound effects and played police siren sound effects, which caused Digibelphor to fearfully hide inside his toilet. The other BSA were too busy laughing to see Flutter cutting her self and using her blood to reactivate the portal. "Quickly!" yelled flutter. "get in!"

Without question, the entire cast ran to the portal and successfully returned to the normal world. Meatman returned to his normal duties, retro began to be a devote Christian after eating the cum of a consul demon. But only for a short time to just filter the shit. And flutter goes to the gay ass medical room to treat her wound. Wat follows flutter. "hi im WatTheWut."

Flutter smiles. "Ah I missed it when you say that, honey." She says as she disinfects the wound.

"okay, this is going to be a weird question, so I want to go and get this out of the way."

"shoot"

"So…you said that the only way to get through the portal is to sacrifice. You opened the portal again. So what did you sacrifice?"

"nothing"

"nothing? I thought…"

"I said that is the only way non-demon or elder kin could open the portal."

"…. which means."

As wat says this, tentacles form out of Flutter's wound and closes the wound from the inside. "I try to keep it a secret as much as possible."

"but…why?"

"Because you know how many people will ask you for favors if they know you have eldritch powers?! They all be like 'hey flutter can you use your Cthulhu powers to get me a girlfriend', 'hey flutter, can you use your tentacles to fuck me with them'"

"that last question sounds like it is from retro."

"It was from retro. He found out and ask me that question. You aint the only one who has been administered Amnestic. Regardless….what do you think about about….what you know?"

WatTheWut thinks on it. Then after a good thought, she answers. "Hi I'm WatTheWut?"

Flutter smiles with glee. "Subscribe to WatTheWut"

NEXT CHAPTER: BSA ADVENTURE PART 3: DEFEND THE RAPIST!


	3. Episode 3

It was a normal day at BSA headquarters. Retro was wishing she had some spicy futa dick to suck, wat and flutter were somehow having lesbian sex between a human and a human-fish hybrid, meatman was getting contract work as video game dunkey, Mr. Cynical was in the basement working on how to make a little girl farm while the prequels played in the background, and toolman was practicing his Tim Allen Grunts. All of a sudden their doorbell rung.

"who the fuck is it" said wat coming out of his and flutters sex cave

"It seems someone has been left on the doorstep" Samuel their A.I. said

"fuck no i'm not taking care of some little shit" wat said as he went to the doorstep ready to open it and take some kid to the orphanage.

He opens the door and standing there is what looks like a cute tomboy with headphones in her ears and a guitar around her back

"oh sweet a new cute girl Hi I'm watthewut and you can come in"

The girl takes her headphones off " I'm sorry what was that I didn't hear you"

"Hi I'm watthewut and what's your name"

"oh I'm Vindy hi nice to meet you" the cute girl responded

"ok cool get inside"

"oh ok" the girl steps inside of the BSA headquarters and is greeted by Samuel

"hello there I am Samuel the A.I. I can help you with any problems you have while you're here. He says.

"hey everyone get out here and meet the new member I found to replace naddy' wat yelled out

"oooh she's cute" Flutter said wheeling out of her room

"doesn't have a dick so I don't care" Retro said taking a glace at the new member

"EPIK" mrmeatman says not really caring either way

"too old for me" Mr. Cynical says going back to see his favorite scene in the prequel.

"wait wait wait what are you guys talking about" the new member said quite confused " you guys keep referring to me as she but I'm a guy"

"no you aren't shut the fuck up" wat said

" no seriously I'm a guy" the qt trap responded

"uhhhhhhh" wat said

"no you're not shut the fuck up" flutter said wheeling in ( get it wheeling in instead of stepping in I'm really funny guys)

"oookay whatever" Vindy says " where's my room I gotta unload all my shit"

The BSA directed Vindy to Naddy's old room.

"here you go" Retro said

"wait there's a fucking dead body in this room what the fuck, also why does it look like it was someone elses room until they died" Vindy said

"don't worry about it just clean it out if you want" wat said

"ok whatever" Vindy got to work dealing with the dead body and cleaning out all the gay persona 4 shit from the room so he could set it up how he wanted and was just starting to rest when the alarm went off.

WEEE WOOO WEE WOO WEEE WOOO

"what the fuck is that" Vindy said running out of his new room

"That's the Asshole alarm" SAMUEL responded

"shit who is it this time Flutter said not wanting to deal with anything that sounded like too much work"

"it looks like Lachlan still is at it again walking around town in a skirt and refusing to take Ls handed to him" SAMUEL said

"well shit that won't do" wat exclaimed " vindy you're new so we didn't have time to make you a new suit so you'll just take this old green one. Sorry it's a guys suit we weren't able to make a new one and here's your assgem"  
"wait but I am a guy so I'm glad I have a guys suit"

"shut up dyke"

"oh ok' Vindy put on the assgem and followed the rest of the BSA to where Lachlan was.

"HiI'mWattheWut and I'm gonna hand you an L" wat said "Pedantic Romantic more like digi's cumrag"

"actually while I don't take semen directly from digi I wouldn't be opposed to it since I think he's one of the greatest minds anime has ever had and I think he's an inspiration into how to make good content and you completely missed the point and used wrong facts there so I think you're going to have to redo your whole argument also…" Lachlan started

"shit once someone gets him talking he actually won't stop" retro said"

The BSA were at a loss they couldn't figure out how to get Lachlan to shut the fuck up and take the L when suddenly vindy spoke up.

"yo I think I can stop him" vindy said

"how"

"Listen I'm a musical god I think If I start playin some banger ass tunes he'll stop talking for a couple seconds and you can hand him his L then"

"alright sounds good" Wat said

Vindy pulled out his guitar and started playing it. The song was a fucking banger since vindy is perfect and can do no wrong. The BSA were able to capitalize on the chance his music gave and went and handed him the biggest L of his life.

"alright looks like the jobs done time to go home and all have a lesbian orgy" wat said

And so the BSA went home and put an end to the whole Lachlan incident behind them.

Tune in next time for part 4: the dance battle


	4. Episode 4

"Can you pass me the salt?" asked Retro. The Assholeger's were eating lunch at the large marble table.

"Fuck you," said Wat, grabbing the salt. She screwed off the cap and dumped the entire bottle into her mouth.

 _cough cough cough_

The strong taste of salt filled her mouth.

"Fine then," said Retro. "I'll just get my salt this way." Retro slid over onto Wat's lap and straddled her.

"Huh? What are you-" suddenly, Retro licked Wat's mouth, taking off some of the salt that had been on it. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH Y-MMMMMMMMMH" Wat was cut off when Retro proceeded to make out with her. "MMMMMMMH! MMMMMMMH!" Wat tried to get words out. Retro finally pulled off, and licked the salt off her lips.

"God dammit you two, not at the table." said Flutter.

Retro sighed, but before she could go back to her seat, the TV turned on.

"greetings Assholegers. It is I, Endless Jess."

"WHAT?! IMPOSSIBLE! We banished Digi from space time. How is the PCP still able to hold itself together?" said V1ndy (this happened in a non-existent chapters 2 and 3 since we fucked everything up just don't question it).

"HAHAHA. Digi might be gone, but we shall still defeat you."

"So why are you calling us?" said Wat.

"Well you see, I just beat up some 15 year olds in a theater and I wanted to tell you to show how evil I am." Everyone gasped.

"Jess you bastard." Wat said as he stood up.

"Ah." Retro fell to the ground and tried to stand up, but lost her balance. As she fell again, she tried to grab out for balance, but accidentally pulled Wat down with her. Both of them fell onto V1ndy's lap.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA," Jess laughed maniacally as the TV turned off.

"Well I guess we should go stop him," said Kachi.

"Wow," said mrmeatman. "It sure is a good thing that we know he lives at- MMMMMMH!" V1ndy leaped across the table, causing Retro and Wat to fall to the ground, and grabbed meatman at the mouth.

"meatman we can't say that here," she said.

"Well regardless, we should go there," said Flutter. V1ndy got off the table and everyone except Wat and Retro stood up. Everyone looked down at Retro and Wat, who were now making out and fingering each other on the floor.

"god dammit you two, how many times do I have to tell you: No sex at the table," said Flutter. Both of them pulled off and stood up.

"Sorry," said Retro, dusting herself off.

"It's Retro's fault," Wat pointed at Retro.

"Eeeeeeeeh? You were doing it too, don't push all this on me!"

"Bleh!" Wat stuck her tongue out.

"You damn-" Retro went in for a punch and Wat took a fighting stance when Flutter stepped between them.

"Stop," she said. They both backed off.

* * *

"Wait, this is Jess's house?" said Flutter.

"Why are the doors boarded? Is he keeping kidnapped people in there?" asked Wat.

"Well only one way to find out!" Retro said as she walked up to the door.

 _Ding Dong_

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU RINGING THE DOOR BELL? We're here to fight him not have dinner with him," screamed Wat.

"Fucking autist," said Kachi under his breath.

"Oh, right. Sorry Sorry," Retro grabbed the handle and opened the door. As she opened it, Retro stared blankly into the milky purple void in the room (if you could even call it that) behind the door. "What the f-"

Suddenly, a loud roar came from the house.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Retro screamed like a bitch and then ran until she was hiding behind Wat.

"You're the one with the sword dumbass. What am I gonna do?"

Then, the house began to morph until it became a giant face that was none other than that of Jess.

"YOU FOOLS!" he screamed. "You think you can come to me and win? I shall knock you all down." The ground ruptured, and a giant Jess rose out of the ground. "RAAAAH!"

"HENSHIN!" All six present Assholeger's simultaneously transformed.

"How the fuck are we supposed to deal with something this huge?" said Retro, holding her oddly phallic shaped sword.

"Well obviously we have to sing really loudly," said Wat.

"What," said Flutter.

"theWut," added Retro.

Wat started screaming some gay Love Live song no one else knew. A blue light began glowing around her. Then, where Wat had once stood, a giant, blue, female robot now stood.

"Holy shit," said Wat, now in the cockpit and detransformed into her normal form. "I can't believe that actually did something." Wat stepped forward and slapped Jess in the face, sending him flying sideways.

"IMPOSSIBLE! How could you have something like that?" Jess stood up has Wat turned to face him.

Wat extended his arm out and pointed at Jess. "Endless Jess, I'll send you to Hell!"

Out of nowhere, Retro jusmped 18 meters into the air and landed on Wat's arm. She climbed up to the top of the head, carved a hole in with her sword, and jumped in. "Woah, a giant robot. This is so cool. Oh my God can I pilot it?"

"What? No, this is my robot."

"Fine then," Retro tried to pick Wat up out of the character.

"Put. Me. Down." Wat kneed Retro in the Stomach. Retro gasped for air and then collapsed to the floor, detransforming in the process. Wat face palmed. "God dammit Retro." Wat then extended Speakers out of the shoulders of the robot and began singing Snow Halation.

"OH GOD!" screamed Jess. "IT'S SO BAD! Grrrrrrr. You may have won this time, but I will be back!" Wings grew out of Jess's body and he flew away.

"GET BACK HERE YOU BASTARD!" screamed Wat. She quickly ran forwards, slamming Retro against the back wall, and getting Retro's pants stuck on a gear in the back. Wat Jumped into the air, missing Jess, then fell back to the ground. As the robot fell, Retro flew up and forward as her pants ripped completely off. Retro landed on top of Wat head first. With Retro's panties 2 inches in front of her face, Wat yet out a surprised yelp.

"Ugh," said Retro, waking up. "What happened?" Retro grabbed the sides of the pilot seats and craned her head completely around. As she did, her crotch moved further back and into Wat's face. "Oh yeah, the giant robot."

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMH!" said Wat, suffocating in Retro's vagina. Retro moved her head back to being upside down as it had been before.

"Oh, hi Wat," she said.

"Can you please get off me?"

"Right after I eat you out!" Retro lifted Wat's skirt and began to tease Wat's tight pussy with her tongue.

"Aaaaaaah!" Wat moaned in pleasure.

"What're you doing honey?" said Retro. "I'm not staying in this position for no reason."

"O-OK," said Wat as she began to remove Retro's panties.

 **What will happen when the Assholegers encounter Endless Jess again? How is the PCP still together with their mastermind gone? Will we go into more detail on Retro and Wat's sex in the giant robot? These questions may or may not be answered in the next episode of Bulli Sentai Assholeger!**


	5. Episode 5

"OK S.A.M.U.E.L., warp us back," said Flutter.

"I'm sorry but it appears there is some interference. I cannot warp you back now," said S.A.M.U.E.L. through the earpiece.

"Well how the fuck are we supposed to get back then?" said Retro.

"You'll have to walk ma'am."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I don't have any pants on! I can't just fucking walk over 1000 miles back to the Assholeger Base in my panties! And- hey wait, where are you guys going?" The others had begun to walk off.

"We're gonna walk home." said Flutter.

 _Sigh_ Retro walked off

 _5 hours later..._

"OK, this looks like a good place to sleep." said V1ndy.

"Woah," said Wat. "We're just gonna sleep here? In the woods?"

"Yup."

"Is this _really_ a good idea?" asked Flutter.

"V1ndy, sleeping in the woods is how you get raped by satanists!" said Retro

"We'll be fine Retro, we just have to keep someone on watch for..."

"DO YOU WANT TO GET RAPED BY SATANISTS?!" screamed Retro while shaking V1ndy.

"Ah! Get off of me..."

Suddenly, Retro went cold and fell on top of V1ndy.

"Hey, WTF?" said V1ndy. "Get off of me- wait are you drooling? Retro WTF are you doing?"

Flutter pulled a dart out of Retro's back and rolled her over. "Someone tranquilized her!"

Everyone gasped and looked around to see where the enemy was, only to discover Kachi holding a dart gun.

"What? She was being annoying."

"God dammit Kachi," said Flutter. "You can't just tranquilize people!"

"Oops," said Kachi unapologetically.

The remaining members played rock-paper-scissors to see who would get guard duty.

"Fuck you guys," said Wat, now on guard duty.

"Goodnight guys," said V1ndy.

Wat stayed up and watched, but nothing came. Just when she was about to fall asleep, something moved in the trees.

"Who's there?" said Wat.

"Hello there," replied a booming voice.

"Huh?" said Retro waking up from the tranquilizer. "What's going on?"

A man with a long beard and a robe emerged from the woods. "EEEEEK!" Retro screamed like a bitch. "IT'S THE SATANISTS! HELP MEEEEE!" Retro ran over and jumped onto Wat.

"Waaaah!" Wat fell to the ground with Retro.

"Do not fear yound ladies," said the man. "I mean you no harm." The man approached them and held out his hand to help Retro up. "My name is Craftsdwarf."

Retro grabbed his hand and he pulled her up as the grasp of their hands turned into a handshake. "Oh... my name's Retro." she paused. "Retro Chocolate."

Wat stood up behind them. Everyone else had begun to wake up as well. "What are you doing here though? Why are you talking to us?"

"A man named SethTheProgrammer approaches. He is jamming your signals with his debate powers. You must hurry! Run quick!"

"That's great but I'm too fucking tired to run." said Wat.

"Jump on my back!" said Retro.

"I'm not riding you."

"Fine then." Retro picked Wat up and threw her over her shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing?!" said Wat. "PUT ME DOWN BITCH!"

"Let's go guys!" Retro ran off with Wat and Flutter, Kachi, and meatman followed.

"They ran for about a minute. Then, Retro realized something was amiss. "Hey where's the Gandalf guy?"

"How the hell would I know, he probably died or something," said Wat.

"NO! We gotta go save him!" Retro turned around.

"Wait, if you're going back then PUT ME DOWN!"

"Whew, what a great sleep!" said V1ndy waking up.

When V1ndy looked up he saw a 10 foot tall Super Saiyan wearing a mask! "Huh?" He turned around to find Craftsdwarf chanting some spell in latin or some language idfk. "What is going on here?!"

"Mr. Gandalf! We're here!" screamed Retro.

"Huh? My name isn't Galndalf it's.."

Retro set Wat down and pulled out her sword. "HIYAAAA!" She jumped over V1ndy and tried to attack the giant. The giant brought up his hand and slapped Retro to the ground, then picked up her limp body.

"Hahaha! I have taken you're friend captive." said the giant as he held Retro up by her shirt. "As you can see I have the higher power scale."

"But power scaling isn't a part of the narrative," said Wat. "You only beat her because the dumbass writing this thought it was funny."

"Shut up." said the giant. "I am SethTheProgrammer, you cannot beat my power scaling. I'll kill you damn anti-powerscalers."

"Wat, V1ndy, come here," said Crafts.

"How are we gonna beat him?" said V1ndy.

Craftsdwarf held his hand out in front of him. "Grab my hand." Wat and V1ndy held their hands out and grabbed Craftsdwarf.

"Now die!" screamed Seth. "SUPER POWERSCALING BEAM!" Seth shot out a giant red laser beam. Craftsdward held their hands towards it and the beam split around the three.

"WHAT! IMPOSSIBLE! I have a power level of double-infinity! How could you stop my beam?"

"Don't you get it Seth?" said Craftsdwarf. "We have the power of friendship, and friendship conquers all!" A white beam formed in front of the three.

"ULTIMATE FRIENDSHIP BEAM!" The friendship infused laser overtook the powerscaling beam.

"NO! THIS CANNOT BE!" screamed Seth. "How could I be defeated by something as meaningless as the author's intent? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Seth was obliterated by the beam.

"Retro fell to the ground. "Wait how is she ok?" asked Wat. "Seth was holding her and he's dust now."

"Retro is our friend, so the friendship beam only strengthened her!" exxplained Craftsdwarf.

"What?" said Wat. "How are we supposed to control her if she gets any stronger?"

"What happened?" said Retro standing up.

"We beat Seth, no thanks to your dumbass," said Wat.

"The jamming is gone, I'm warping you all back now." said S.A.M.U.E.L.

"Yeah!" All of them jumped into the air and did a 4-way high five.

THE END


End file.
